Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i think im in europe. pls send help
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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