I am spending my child support on dildos
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
