..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
