So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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