Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
