Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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