So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
