my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
