You're my little dorito
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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