I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
