I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
