It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
