I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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