Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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