I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
