You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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