is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
