Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
