I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
