So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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