the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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