It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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