There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
did you just send me my own nude
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
