i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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