I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
