So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why do cheetos always look like penises
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
