Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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