I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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