Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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