Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
