i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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