Me. At least after what I've been through.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
