I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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