Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
