thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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