so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
