I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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