Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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