I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
