MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
