Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
