Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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