i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
