i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
