I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
