He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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