broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize