I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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