So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he thought i was a dude.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
