so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
