No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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