we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
