I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
