Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize