I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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