i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
