girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
porn star boner night. come get it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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