I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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