she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
