I looked at my own cervix.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
