I want to have your abortion
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
