my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
