It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
