Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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