Can i not drive my cunt home
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
