Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
