I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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