Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
