I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
